A reminder to keep connecting

observational mindfulness

We know that the lockdown has been tough for everyone. But particularly for those people who are struggling with their mental health. So I thought I would talk about some of the positive things that have helped me through it, in the hope it will help others. Staying connected with people, and with the world around us, is very important. I am relatively new to the online world, but I have been able to keep in touch with my friends on Facebook, when we weren't able to meet in person. I have also been able to keep in contact with my sister that way too, as she does practically everything online these days! I have to thank one of my best friends for setting me up on Facebook, as I didn't have a clue how to do it! As well as the things that need doing, like housework, I try to find time every day to do something I enjoy, like reading a book, or playing word games on my laptop, like Scrabble. Since my weekly Dance Fitness class was cancelled back in March, I try to get some exercise each day, like going for a

Gratitude

I have fallen from grace, a fallen woman. Fallen through the cracks, through the net there to save me. I moved across the country to be here, where I knew no one. I fall. “You are away from your abuser. Now carry on with your life”. I fall. I brought up my children, they live their own lives. Independent, a credit to me. I fall. After decades of abuse, I slip through the net. I fall. Alone, exhausted, though not a victim. No, I am a survivor. Yet I fall. “ You don't have young children, we can't help you”. I fall. “ You're not on income support, we can't help you”. I fall. “There are domestic abuse support groups”. They traumatise me more. I fall. I am an older woman, invisible. I fall again, this time I am caught and held. I am listened to and heard. I am held. I open my eyes, I am held. I look around and can see a way forward. I am held. I am unsteady on my feet, I am held. I take steps. I am held. The path is lined with understanding, encouragement, support. I am held. I feel calm, self-reliant, purpose, laughter, confidence. I am held. I am valued. I walk. I am held. I met people who are now friends. I can hold and am held. I was a fallen woman, I fell through the net. Thank you We are Aware, I am held. One woman dies every three days at the hands of their abuser or ex abuser in the UK. It wasn't until 2017 that women aged sixty to seventy four were included in the statistics. Women of every age should be included.

We all have mental health. We all have histories, experiences, lives, responsibilities, fears, pressures, stresses. Some people struggle more than others.

Just Like You I want to have a close friend, I want to enjoy my studies at college, I want to live independently in the future, I want to achieve my ambition of attending university, I want to fall in love and experience a romantic relationship, I want to get a good job, I want to be happy and successful, Just like you! I want my voice to be respected, I want my ideas to be appreciated, I want to experience the wonder of the world, I want to explore natural beauty at its depths, Just like you! So, the next time you want to discriminate, victimise or isolate a person with autism, Please remember we are just like you, Deep down – the same as everyone else, We just act differently on the surface! Meet Me Halfway You don’t understand the depths of my emotion, When you push me into doing things I feel uncomfortable with. You don’t truly understand the intensity of the anxiety I experience, So, don’t say that I don’t meet you halfway. To walk down the street with bustling crowds and flashing lights, To sit in a class full of commotion and chaos, To sit in the canteen, desperate for friendship, a sense of belonging, Causes me immense anxiety and makes me urge to escape. At college, I have to mask my personality, Battle my constant fears, And try to act up to any expectations you set, And you have the audacity to say I don’t meet you halfway. I might be lucky – I have all that I need. But when my anxiety and negative self-talk overflows, I crumble. Obviously, I’m lucky – autism is a gift, a treasure, something to be proud of, But I struggle immensely with almost everything you take for granted. Look at how far I’ve come, I’ve survived the shudders of secondary school, got through prom, And started college all on my own. Would you rather me make continual but gradual progress, or do you want me to fail and break down under pressure? There’s all or nothing in my world – it’s called black and white thinking – struggling to read between the lines, I either do something I feel happy and content with or I do absolutely nothing at all. So, when you push me into doing something: role plays, presentations, a work placement... I refuse and break down, simply because it’s overwhelming; how do you expect me to cope? I know you think you know how to help me; you work in the field of inclusive practise, But actually, you don’t know me – I am an individual with autism. I am the only one who knows what’s best, You don’t know me – but I do! Don’t try and put words into my mouth – trust me – it doesn’t work! My knowledge probably comes across as intimidating, I’ve researched the condition endlessly. I’ve devised a set of my own coping mechanisms, What works for one child with autism, probably won’t work for me – recognising individuality is the key! Socialising is draining – exhausting and overwhelming, To say hello to a friend is just as hard for me as starting a job is for you – daunting and frightening, I have less social energy than you to start with, So, imagine, how tired I feel by the end of every day – any additional stress and anxiety causes a shutdown – this causes an inability to function or communicate at all. I may be socially inept, considered as unsociable, But, sometimes your social skills can be just as poor, I don’t think you realise how excruciatingly difficult it is for me to make friends at the best of times, It becomes near impossible to develop a friendship with added pressure. The frustrations I experience continually, on a day to day basis, may seem unimportant to you – ridiculous maybe, You can block out the world whenever you want – I can’t, I am constantly trapped in a world which seems isolating, confusing and demoralising – I feel deflated. Yet you feel you can make comments, like ‘you’re not meeting me halfway.’ Some may say I’ve been sheltered, protected from the world, I’ve felt secure for too long, Well, I’m now in the outer world – being thrown into the deep end, And I’ve instantly realised one of the most important things. I’ve said it before and will continue to say it until the message is clear, Autism is a spectrum condition, but not every person on the spectrum is the same! The fact is often missed as people with autism share certain traits, Honestly, we all have different needs and one box doesn’t help us at all – we don’t want to be categorised into what you see as the ‘norm’ or ‘correct way of society.’ I am a person with autism – I am human and I have feelings, I have a voice and a right to express my own valued opinions, So, next time you imply you want me to meet you halfway, Question your knowledge beforehand and consider how making unfair, judgemental, detrimental comments will help me cope. I will continue to fight for my rights – I’ve fought from the second I was born, I believe, I should be respected and my differences embraced, My needs challenged but at my own pace, My positive contributions and achievements should be acknowledged for one and celebrated for another. I think you should start listening to my voice, quiet but fierce, And meet me halfway! Don’t discriminate or stereotype – just accept and support me, in the suggested ways! Autism awareness is a highlight for me, No matter how many books you’ve read, videos you’ve watched or people you’ve spoken to about the subject, If you haven’t walked my long trudge of a path, You don’t have the true understanding of the disability. That’s right – I have a disability,​ A hidden disability, where guilt, shame, upset, anger and anxiety threaten to trickle through, when I’m overwhelmed, My life is a battle – a rollercoaster – a challenge, So, maybe you should, for once, meet me halfway!​ I Have A Voice Presumptions defining autistic people are incorrect, The stigmatism surrounding the condition is demoralising, We need to join together to bust the myths, And show the true colours of the autism spectrum. I have a voice, Everyone has a voice, We should all have the opportunity to communicate, Communication is essential; a vital skill for survival in the socially orientated society. Just because I’m autistic, It doesn’t mean I am incapable of hearing what others say, understanding language, decision making or expressing myself. I can use words to tell you how I feel, But at states of high anxiety, overwhelm or frustration, I turn to poetry. Please do not talk about me behind my back, for I can hear the whispers you attempt to hide. Please do not discuss my life with others before I give my permission; I have the same rights as anyone else. Please do not assume I don’t understand what you say, my strong intellect allows me to comprehend more than you can imagine. Please do not assume I am voiceless, because I’m autistic. I may be painfully shy at times, But my thoughts are loud and fierce. When I talk, people are either shocked or just disregard my voice, “Was that a whisper from the lonely corner I just heard?” I can speak for myself and educate others – using my voice, Before you make assumptions or judgments, you should listen... listen to my voice. Maybe if you listen, You’ll discover the depths of a mystical world, You’ll capture and embrace my emotions, You’ll learn something new about the wacky world we live in, And I might just listen to you. Hear... Listen... Understand, The accumulation of our thoughts is probably greater than yours, Trust me, if you listen to the autistic individual, you will learn. We should stand to give a voice to the voiceless – we need our voice to be heard... You need to listen.

My goodness! What a radical and wonderful idea Now you've put it like that, suddenly it's oh so clear! Eureka! I see clearly now The answer was so simple The stars have suddenly aligned And now begin to twinkle! With no weight upon my shoulders I am floating like a feather Now I've taken your sage advice And pulled myself together....

A New Life by BK Edwards The cold seen through the mist. Green shoots begin to sprout, As more of us can get out. We begin to come out of our hibernation. As they start to roll out the vaccination. Flowers bring back colour and cheer. We start to feel that spring is here. Reawakening our souls to life. Breaking through the world of strife. A new season A fresh reason To celebrate, new life. Daffodils growing tall and bright Herald the increasing Light. Hope springs up into Easter. As friends and families bubbles get together. Celebrating new life and a new beginning. As we have the sense of winning. The battle is finished, The war is won In this new season, we can live again. Be revived for hope is alive. As the veil is lifted now torn in two. When we finally get to meet, May we appreciate the people we greet. Learn to be grateful, thankful for what we have. Take care of our minds, make time to relax. May this season bring recovery. As love begins to reach us, and friends come to meet up. As love, kindness and hope come into view. May this be the dawn of living anew. Journey Forward by BK Edwards As we make this journey forward, Many obstacles along the way. We need to learn to listen, And also, to be heard. We have to learn new skills, And ways in which to cope. We will come up against locked doors, But beyond them there is hope. Let's develop strategies, and believe in ourselves. So when we come upon a door, we know how to cope. Gather all that we have learnt, No point leaving it to lay, We need to take it with us, And use it day by day. So now we move together, Empowered and in control. Along the road to recovery, for that's our ultimate goal. Thank you for those that have listened, And those that have understood. And all who'll be there along the way, As we make our journey forward. Be Kind, Be Wise by BK Edwards The average emotion lasts about 90 seconds. Then it gets driven by thoughts and perceptions. We need break the cycle. Use Wise Mind and imagine, A different scenario. A new image in our minds eye. New ways to cope, not just get by. We gain strength from our pain. Change the pathways of our brain. Be positive and make new friends. Find acceptance and new perception. Learn to let go of our problems. Try Mindfulness and meditation. Learn to observe the small things. Like the sun and seasons in nature. Taking the focus away from the future. Visualise a safe place in your mind, and go there. When things lead you to despair. Practice using skills even when you are well. Encourage yourself, use affirmations. Try to coach yourself to say positive things. One day, you might even start to believe them. So be kind to yourself, take one step at a time. Try these new skills they could help change your mind.